if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
