if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
