mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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