I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
