It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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