All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
