I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
