piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
