so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
