i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
