My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
