your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
