escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
