there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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