toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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