Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
