No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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