I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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