Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
