i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
