I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
