u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
