started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
