conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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