1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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