I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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