Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
