No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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