Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
