then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
