She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
