He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
