I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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