She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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