No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
