we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
