Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
