Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
