Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
