i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
