We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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