Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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