ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
