I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize