i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
