After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
