yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
