Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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