well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
