How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
