That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize