He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were trust falling into bushes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
