shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
