i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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