She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
