things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've blown a few things in my day
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
