So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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