Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
