She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
where are you?
Hypothermia
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
