My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
