I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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