I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
