At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
