My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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