That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
