operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
