maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
