where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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